(Below is an unedited letter submitted to us by a reader. TLS welcomes your letters at thelakewoodscoop@gmail.com . The views are solely those of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views of TLS)Dear Editor,
I sat next to you in class, I live on your block. I went to your camp, I studied with you for tests. I am a regular girl. A regular girl with a huge secret. When I was six years old, my father's friend took me down to my basement to play. He used the privacy of the basement to do inappropriate things to me. It took me years of suffering in shameful silence to come out and admit the horrific truth: I had been abused. The full extent of the evil deeds this man had committed didn't hit me until years and years later. Now, as a young adult, standing on the threshold of my adulthood, I am forced to deal with the daily reality of what this means to me, so many years later. As I sit and think about what this man has caused, about the ramifications this has had, and will have on my life, I am engulfed by masses of feelings. I feel...Ashamed. Ashamed? Ashamed of how my body was used, how my body was abused. Ashamed of how I am different. Ashamed at the things that I've gone through. Click here to read full article.
80 comments:
Dear Writer i'm sure you know that it was nothing that the fact that this happened had nothing to do with you other than it happened to be you that it happened to. let me explain if your walking and a bird flying overhead decides to relieve himself on your head. are you going to feel like a dirty person "i must be dirty because if not the bird would never have done that to me" or course not! the bird just did it because thats what birds do and he'll do it again to the next random person walking down the block.this person who did this to you is a sicko thats what sicko do it had nothing to do with you
this is step 1) the next step is you must go to the police and report it. there have been a number of cases lately where the victim went to the rabanim to do something about their plight, when the rabanim tried to help the perpetrators side criminalizes the rabanim and the victim. i spoke to one of the rabanim involved and asked how is this problem going to be addressed he answered he's telling anyone who has a complaint now to go straight to the police. i know its scary but going to the police will protect future victims and it will help you heal,also there's a new law that you can do this and not have face the perp in court you can stay anonymous. i wish you all the best be strong you'll help yourself and many others
Shame on you lakewood scoop. This is purer loshon hora on our ihr hatora. We had enough bad news this week now youy want to make us all look lioke sickk people. This girl is obviosly off the derech and looking for someone to blame. I don't know anyone in this town that would do anything to a little girl. Boy maybe. Not girl. Clean up your act. Did you ask ashaila before you published this nivul peh?
i wish you would write the guys name. poeple like this need to learn, not learn by sitting in jail but learning in other ways. there are people that want to help just ask. Just ask the right person.
1- No where does it say that this letter is from a resident of Lakewood.
2- This can happen anywhere including Lakewood. In addition due to the closed mind of many individuals it can happen quicker in Lakewood.
3- The only way to deal with this is to go to the Police.
TO THE GUY WHO SAID IT CANT HAPPEN IN LAKEWOOD .
YOU BETTER GET EDUCATED AND EDUCATED YOU KIDS BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF SICK PEOPLE IN LAKEWOOD AND THE MOLESTOR COULD BE ANYONE AND YOU CANT TRUST ANYONE AND TO TEACH YOU CHILDREN THAT NO ONE CAN TOUCH THEM.
DO YOU KNOW THAT A LOT OF SCHOOL IN LAKEWOOD HAVE WINDOWS IN THEIR DOORS TO THE CLASSROOM , DO YOU KNOW WHY , BECAUSE A REBBI SHOULDNT BE LEFT ALONE WITH KIDS AT ANY TIME , DO YOU KNOW THAT SOME SCHOOLS HAD CAMERAS IN BATHROOM HALLWAY TO ELIMENATE ANY POSSIBILITY OF ABBUSE WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DID , WELLL LET ME TELL YOU BECAUSE ITS A PROBLEM AND NO ONE IS ABOVE SUSPICION.
Anon.11:55 said
"I don't know anyone in this town that would do anything to a little girl. Boy maybe. Not girl."
Anon 11:55 You sick sick Embarresment to judaisim do you think doing somthing to a little boy is better or o.k.? what is the matter with lakewood people?!- gosh
#2 your a sick menuval
'little boy maybe'!!!!! you should be arrested and kept far away from little boys , you crazy monster.
shes not off the derech she says more tehilim than you i know her personaly
TO THE FIRST ANON POST 11:55---
WOW WOW WOW YOU SICK MAN!!
THIS HAPPENS TO GIRLS TO BC I AM A GIRL WHO WENT THRU A SIMILIAR INCIDENT THAN THIS ONE. YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NEVER BEEN MOLESTED OR ABUSED AS I HEAR IT FROM YOUR NAIVENESS. YOU SICK PERSON DONT BE SO MAKPID ON LASHON HARA. IT IS NOT LASHON HARA TO LET OTHER PPL KNOW THAT SHE WAS ABUSED. WAIT UNTIL THIS HAPPENS TO SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU OR YOUR FREIND. YOU'LL WALK AROUND BEGGING PPL TO HEAR YOU OUT AND HELP. TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE COFFEE ROOM AND STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE. LOOK AT THE SICK WORLD AROUND YOU. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. IT IS INNOCENT PURE LIVES THAT ARE DESTROYED BC OF SOME SICK MAN WHO HAS A DISEASE IN HIS MIND. IT IS BC OF PPL LIKE YOU THAT THESE YOUNG SUFFERING CHILDREN SUFFER IN SILENCE BC THEY ARE ASHAMED TO TELL YOU BC LOOK HOW YOU ARE REACTING. I HOPE YOU READ THIS AND IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY BACK, PLEASE FREE TO POST IT. LETS SEE WHAT BRILLIANT WORDS OF WISDOM YOU CAN COME UP FOR YOURSELF. LETS SEE HOW YOU CAN DEFEND YOURSELF AND PROVE THAT THESE THINGS DONT HAPPEN. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
#2- I do know someone in this town that has done things to little girls. Yes, even in our town these things happen. Your attitude is part of the problem.
I do not know if this girl is from lakewood. That is irrelevant. The problem exits in Lakewood as it does everywhere else.
#2 wrote something just to get attention. lets all ignore him and his stupid naive remarks. HE MAKES NO SENSE!!! he wants us to get angry. don't give him that pleasure.
There are sick people in all faiths. It is a sickness. He should be arrested and put into prison, Child abusers don't last long behind bars. Wasn't there an arrest 2 weeks ago with a Day Camp teacher in Lakewood. Very Sad.
Dear editor
you should ask for the name so i can save my own kids from such sick people and i don't know if all u know 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 5 girls are molested in the world to Anon. 11:55 you sound like one of those people that should be put away u are sick and if i new who u are i would put your name all over town.
Dear editor u should remove Anon 11:55 post it violates normality
With all due respect, i seriously don't think this is such a good place for this discussion. I probably have reached this conclusion by reading the erudite comments published. Dear writer, you need to speak to a qualified individual who will guide you to the correct actions to take. If you are not getting the support you need from your family, than go to a Rav or a trustworthy adult friend. May all your tefilloths be answered and may you find comfort soon.
Below are some links on different stuff in the jewish community in Lakewood there is a new organzation for people who where child molested called Ashrecha.
jewishsurvivors.blogspot.com
www.jsafe.org/
This link has story's from frum people.
www.survivorsforjustice.org
Perhaps her therapist suggested that hanging this dirty laundry out to dry in the Nine Days would be therepeudic.
The reason that the latest Lakewood (2 weeks ago) went to the authorities, because it was someone from the ......that it happened to their child. Learn from them, go to the authorities as Rav Eliyashev, Shlita said.
Anon at 11:55
Wow how sick a person can get!! Stop your "Ihr Hatorah" crap!! Our town is fortunate to be BETTER than other places because we have so many people sitting and learning but to think and SAY that this can't happen here is beyond me! There are even sickos OFFICIALLY in BMG right in the heart of your "Ihr Hatorah". I personally have met up with some of these individuals and lets just say they weren't doing the best of things to say the least. I was shocked when an individual told me that one of them is OFFICIALLY in Yeshiva. What nerve do you have to make accusations on this innocent girl?!! What in this world possesed you when you decided to label her as "off the derech"??!! How in G-D's name can you say such a thing? What in this letter made you think that?!! Oh I know,it not anything in the letter, it's just that you need to find something to discredit this girl's letter since this "does not happen in Lakewood" so that was your best route. Some nerve you got!! Oh,and btw if you're able to say that this doesn't happen in Lakewood then you obviously haven't been following the news for the past year or so. Why don't you ask Dr. Shanik if this happens in Lakewood? Are you afraid to come out of that hole of yours? This woman is begging for some sympathy and unfortonately we have sickos in town like you that think that our "Ihr Hatorah" is immune to this. Unfortonately our "Ihr Hatorah" is not what it used to be anymore and to always hide behind that term is naieve at the best and disgusting in reality. I know of a few psycho-therapists that MAY be able to help you.
To the young writer of this letter: I don't know what to say to you. Words don't suffice to ease your pain. My heart goes out to you. May Hashem give you the strength to continue to grow and rise above the test he has given you. Yes,you are different that your friends because G-D has given you a test and you have the power to rise above the challenge and move to a higher plane. I think you should go to the Police but you probably should ask a shaila first by a REPUTABLE Rov. May Hashem always be with you.
to a ll those attacking my comments at 11:55. i have emunas chachomim.i was tld that we do not have such problems,and if someone says we do they have a problem.i did not say it is ok to molest little boys.just that seems to be the usual case lately.who would allow an adult to be alone in a basement with their girl who is a issur of yichud.boys need to be more careful since molesters pray upon them in private.maybe we should establish hilchos yichud to include men with boys too.but we need our gedolim to tell us this and since they havent yet i cant believe there is a problem so why post this?
To anon 1:21
I would love to know your name. I think it would be better to hang you out to dry for a long time!
To the author of this letter:
Please please go to the police you still can. It seems so hard but it is worth it, get the person that did these things locked up, for the sake of the people he will almost for sure hurt if he is out on the street.
Anon 1:42 said
"i was tld that we do not have such problems,and if someone says we do they have a problem."
Really by which gadol and when
Hi, everyone.
I am the writer of this letter and I do live here in Lakewood, so yes, bad things do happen here. :-( Thank you all for your supportive and encouraging words.
The second poster (Anonymous 11:55 am) is obviously uneducated about abuse and it's his choice to bury his head in the sand.
For all others out there, I beg of you!
EDUCATE YOUR CHILDREN about good touching and bad touching, about what's acceptable and what isn't.
EDUCATE YOURSELVES about symptoms to look out for and classic abuser behaviour so you can hopefully preempt it.
DO YOUR BEST TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.
Keep spreading awareness so we, the abused victims, don't need to feel this shame.
Thanks,
Happygirl
PS I sent this letter myself to thelakewoodscoop and it was printed in the Yated readers write last week but I want to get all the support I can get and that is why I sent it hear as well.
Happy girl,
Please go to the police! I dont blame you if you dont, but please for the sake of us who have kids get this guy off the street!
B"H I have never been abused and I sure hope none of my children ever were, but, I do know that such perverts do lurk out there and prey on innocents. When I was still single (I am a grandmother now)I was alone in my friend's bungalow in the country and I was waiting for someone to come and pick up portaraits from her bungalow.She had arranged a photographer to take family portraits in the bungalow colony and parents were coming to pick them up from her. She had to be away and asked me to take care of giving out the portraits for her.A father came, and he kept coming too close to me and bumping into me. I kept moving away and he kept on doing it while I was taking care of getting his pictures for him and the payment. I was extremely uncomfortable and I am sure he did not bump into me by accident. I did not report this to anyone. I don't remember his name, but, I still remember it clearly to this day. B"H he did nothing else to me, but, it was bad enough, and I wonder who else he preyed on.
To #2 on your 2nd post, there is no issur of yichud when the adults are upstairs and the child is downstairs with this piece of #$%^&. It may be true that the parents are guilty of a lack of judgment, however, that in no way excuses the molestor of his devilish actions.
Happygirl is a victim. She may have pathetic parents who did nothing about the problem. They may blame the rabbonim and everyone else and not themselves. Whether that is the case, we have a problem. Unfortunately, I think we are only scratching the surface.
Anon 2:43, please do not call her parents pathetic. Maybe they do not know about it. Don't think it's so easy for a victim to tell their parents about such a thing....
A victim does not necesseraly have pathetic parents. It is very hard to see the signs unless you are educated in these things (and even when you are it is very hard).
People are usally mollested by either relatives or people who the family have been close with for years and years and a child will usally feel like they did somthing wrong or that their parents will hate them if they found out.
Your best friend or brother could be mollesting your child would you blame yourself for not suspecting them even if your child wasnt acting completley ordinary?
Unless they have an education in these matters and even if they do you simply cannot blame somone for not picking up the signs in most cases,
especially in a community were untill recently it was the public opinion of many of its leaders that such a problem does not exsist.
As a victim myself i feel and understand your pain. It is a sick sick world we live in.
I was also abused as young girl and the prime years of my childhood were totally destroyed. It took me a long long time to let my deepest secret out, and B'h i have been helped but i will still NEVER be the same. A part of me still feels the terrible deep pain i have suffered all those yrs.
As for the Abuser, He's still out on the loose. Why? Because of the Sweep-everything-under-the-carpet society that were living in.
If there was more awareness and my parents would have been able to pick up signs that i was being abused i could have been spared yrs of anguish and suffering.
So i beg all of you, Help spread the awareness to the parents and to all the children so you too can help save so many children from suffering in silence.
To the author, Thank you for your article, and may Hashem help you get all the help you need to become back to the innocent happy little girl you once were.
I am not calling her parents pathetic becasue happygirl was molested. Please re-read my previous post. For clarification, I said they may be pathetic for allowing their 6 year old daughter to be alone with another man. They may not have seen any signs on their daughter and had no reason to expect to, they may likely have been guilty of bad jusgment for allowing their daughter to be alone with another man.
Unfortunately, this situation threatens all of our children. There are certain people I will not allow my daughters to be around. I do not know if these people are molestors, I do know that I should be suspicious of them. There is no way I will allow a visitor to my house to be alone with a 6 year old child.
We are limited in how much we can protect our children. I feel for all the parents who have to deal with innocent children that are made to be the toy of a sick jerk.
Anon 3:49 said
"For clarification, I said they may be pathetic for allowing their 6 year old daughter to be alone with another man."
When your brother, rebbe or best friend are over at your house for shabbos do you always keep track of were they and your daughter are at ALL times of the day and night? You dont because you cant, you dont have to let somone be alone with your child in order for them to find a way to do so.
Some of the things we CAN do is be educated about this problem, admit it exsists, stop stigmatising its victims and quit protecting the monsters who do these things to our kids and start going to the cops and getting these pervs locked up when possible.
Wow Happygirl.....
You were right when you said that your community is in denial... I doubted you... but I don't anymore...
Hold strong dear....
You get credit for spreading awareness.... and for being courageous enough to speak up...
We are here for you...
We support you....
We understand....
Warm wishes from your fellow survivor...
'Tova'
thank you so much for publishing this letter!
to anonymous poster #2, which gadol told you that it doesn't happen? cause the last time i spoke to a gadol in YOUR IHR HATORAH, he acknowledged to me that this does happen. so obviously, we are at odds here. not to mention the rabbanim i have spoken to outside of lakewood...
Please can somebody who knows educate us how a parent can lo alaynu pick up signs that their child is being abused?
To 4:09,
Please read my post. I wrote the parents "may" be pathetic. I fully agree with you that we cannot watch our children every second. This horrible tradegy can happen to the best parents. We can send our children to their friends and an older brother can do these horrible things.
However, we have a chiyuv to do what we can. Therefore, the parents "may" not have taken proper action by allowing their daughter to be alone with another man. Facts and circumstances will dictate each case.
I just want to know why the LCSW or the Buffs were not called in on this one?
IF YOUR CHILD IS BEING SECRETIVE/ "DOWN" OR LOOKING DEPPRESSED AND OUT OF IT AND/OR HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE AT WEIRD TIMES OR PLACES WHO ARE OLDER. THOUGH NOT TOTALLY NESESARY IT COULD BE PEER MOLESTATION ALSO WITH SOMEONE WHO IS THE SAME AGE
SUDDENLY GOING FROM OUTGOING AND GOOD IN SCHOLL AND POPULAR TO DOWN AND NOT DOING GOOD IN GRADES AND/OR NOT WANTING TO GO TO SCHOOL OR SHUL
THESE ARE JUST SOME OF THE SIGNS
i am a victim myself and i happen to know happygirls parents and they are not to blame. there was no way they could have known. how dare anyone put the blame on her parents. HOW DARE ANYONE PUT BLAME ON ANY PARENTS. what happened was. and we can't change the past. WE COULD CHANGE THE FUTURE!!!! AWARENESS!!!!!!!!!!! talk about sexual abuse. these topics shouldnt be not "tznius" and inappropriate. if someone is touching your child they should feel comfortable telling you. they will only feel comfortable IF U TELL THEM about good and bad touching. AWARENESS AWARENESS AWARENESS!!!! and lets not look down on these poor innocent victims. we shouldnt pity them and call them nebach. they want to be treated NORMAL!!!
dear happygirl,
it takes alot of courage to on your part to come out and share your story. as a mother of a child who was molested by someone my husband & i trusted, i know what courage it took for my child to be able to come and tell us. i also know the pain and the work that my child has to do to get over the trauma that my child was put thru. my heart goes out to you, but you are not alone and there are wonderful ppl out there who r helping these kids get thru it. may you find a new freedom and happiness in your journey.
THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN LAKEWOOD. DO NOT TELL ANYONE. TLS THAT PROMISES NOT TO WRITE LH!!!!
Dear Happy Girl,
If you need chizuk get it from appropriate sources don't make a chilul Ha4hem all over the www. Ask any Odom Godol.
u pple are such idiots. im serious. happygirl came here to get support. ******** u are u idiots. and anyone who dare writes that it doesnt happen in lkwd is wrong and bad and should be locked up. i know it happens here shut up u are making me boil.
I hope noone sent their daughters and/or sons to sleep away camp this summer without giving them an awareness speech. Every child should be warned about people who are sick and too inappropriate things. Once you have opened this subject to them, they will be less hesitant to tell you if something, chas v'shalom, happens to them. If you DID NOT give your dear children a speech before they went to camp its not too late to inform them.
You people are missing the point...
Why are we arguing whether it does or doesn't happen when anyone who has a bit of brains... and has already crawled out of his/her cacoon KNOWS that it unfortunately DOES happen...
We survivors are not here to 'convince' anyone. It is not our job.
We are finally ready to break the silence. To spread awareness...so that people like anonymous who are in denial won't wake up one day and say, "REALLY?? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?"
Happygirl did not come here to get support!
She took tremendous courage to speak up...
to make people aware...
To help others...
to spare others the pain that she and so many others are experiencing...
For support, she will go to places where she KNOWS she will get it.... she will reach out to her friends WHO BELIEVE HER....(and she has many on the unbelievable site for frum victims of abuse...)
Go girl!! we are rooting for you!!! and we are so proud of you...
"tova"
i know first hand of a bochur who was violated in a horrible way around thirteen years ago by a lakewood "normall" person so yes sadly it does happen here, and that perp is still on the lose cuz he is a relative of the victim and he wont reveil his i.d. , b'h this young man is in thrapy and on the long road to recovery.
That was in a yeshivah ketana on princeton there was more then one boy molested.
Happy girl herself wrote that she publicized this letter for encouragement.
Post the truth about what is really going on!!
besides warning you children & telling them to stay clear of private places with strangers you can ask them if anything did happen maybe even tell them they don't have to tell u who it was and try to guage their reaction even if they tell u nothing ever happened you can also ask ur children who they suspect is trying to get close.
just some ideas I'm scared to death with all these stories popping up, my brain is working overtime!
And ofcourse follow the advise of the Gedolim: START SAYING TEHILLIM FOR YOUR CHILDREN ASAP BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPENS CH"V!!!
great! so encourage her!! tell her to keep spreading awareness.... encourage her to persevere....
yeah....go ahead!! encourage her!!!
the last time I checked...encouragement and support had a slightly different meaning....
BUT, if you have it in your heart to show support... then, hey, go ahead.... do it... support her too... she sure can use some!!!!
BEING A SURVIVOR IS NOT EASY!!! A SURVIVOR SUFFERS... MANY FOR LIFE... BECAUSE OF ANOTHERS SELFISH AND EVIL ACTIONS!!!
THE HEALING IS A LONG AND PAINFUL PROCESS.... IT TAKES A LOT OF DETERMINATION....AND PERSEVERENCE... TO CLEAN UP THE MESS THAT THE PERPETRATOR MADE!!!
Show support if you can....
encourage if possible....
and if you can't.... then SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
"tova"
Just to let you know there are a large number of accusations that turn out to be false due in large to the fact that parents are not properly educated in this subject, which leads them to jump to conclusions.
happygirl, good luck with getting on with your life hatzlacha rabba, and may hashem be by your side. just one thing, and this is probably very hard, but you might be the only one to stop this particular person from doing it again, also thats what might be weighing you down the he might strike again. you should find a qualified person to talk with (doesnt have to be a charging profesional, but someone who has a clue) just to understand yourself better.
to everyone one else, who thinks this has something to do with all the single girls 24yrs old out there?
The world goes throgh diffrent crazes. First the kids are going off the derech cuz they are learning disables next cuz their parents treated them to harshly now they are up to cuz he was molested. You are right it does happen but if you look around it is getting out of hand. Not every child with any issue was molested. Before we jump the gun we have to be very careful. Ok can't wait to see what people are going to say next.
actually, anon 12:14, what's happening here is that a girl is saying she was molested, and people are accusing her of going off the derech. she's actually a regular, frum girl.
Anon 12:14,
nowhere in her letter did happygirl mention anything about being off the derech.
She is just a regular frum girl who was molested and who is speaking up. Seems like a lot of you out there are quite unaware - or don't want to be aware - of what has been going on in our community for a number of years.
So thank you happygirl for speaking up!!!
Dear Happygirl and other people who were similarly attacked,
I too was a victim of such a violation years ago.
This world is a dark and cold place. Am Yisroel was chosen to be Hashem's shutfim in bringing the light of Kedusha into it. We do that by learning Torah and doing Mitzvos.
If the Hashgocho is that you, like me, were abused by a Rosho, it means that Hashem knows that we have the Kochos to overcome the hurt feelings it left us with. Like the very first comment says, we just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. But the fact that it happened is a challenge we have to face and rise above. Yes, we were betrayed, but we can forge a stronger bond with Hashem as we turn to Him for chizuk and comfort.
We can bring the light of Kedusha into the world by rising above our attacks in spite of the horrible feeling we were left with.
PLease please remember that it is not you, it is not about Happygirl, but it is the Rosho who hurt you with the problem.
Look how many people here are supporting you, sympathizing with you, and rooting for you.
May Hashem keep on giving you the Kochos to leave this hurt behind you.
why are we all fighting over whether or not abuse happens in Lakewood ere Hakodesh or whether happygirl is off the 'D' or not. if you do not believe that abuse does occur in our holy city then i am praying for you that you do not learn the hard way that in fact it does happen, every day in fact, and when your sons or daughters start going off the 'D' because you ignored all tell tale signs of abuse, you will have no one to blame but yourself.
And what does it make a difference whether HG is off the D or not. we are all G-d's children... none of us deserve to go through the anguish a victim of sexual abuse does. no matter who it is, you have an obligation to help them no matter if they are religious or not. how do you know that if you were in their situation, you would be so righteous; you have no idea and i pray for you that you never find out.
may you all be blessed with healthy families where you do not know of the atrocities that HG and many many others have gone through. May G-d save you from the monsters that perform such crimes and most of all He should save you from yourselves, save you that you do not deny the plain truth so much that you do not take the necessary precautions that you should be.
To HP: i wish you luck and i am sending you much needed support.
your fellow survivor
MMP
i am shocked and upset to see the things ppl are writing a girl has put herself out there made herself vulnerable yet again after having been thru so much pain and humiliation and this is what is said
how can u judge another before you have been in her place
yes u are right my dear it is all about awareness
ppl who can be so selfish as to take something from soemone so cruelly do not belong amongst ppl they belong locked up
for all those of you that say this is lashon hara and lakewood doesnt have such problems perhaps you would like to give ur names and addresses as you are just making out as you are an abuser yourself so i beg you pick up the phoen and get yourself soem help
for all those so called rabbis enough is enough it has to stop ppl also need to realize we are ppl to we have been hurt yes but that does not make us any worse than you
we will make gr8 mothers and fathers amazing and loving spouses so for all of you who think and say behind my back and all those who have been hurt so we are of a strong breed stronger than most we will persevere we will live and it will be wonderfull
to all of you out there that are in pain may god bless you with peace and good for the rest of days. Amen!
for those of you out there adding to the hurt, pain, humiliation and degredation i hope u never have to know of such things but please take your head out of the books for a second and understand what god gave us the book for
and know this it says if a man is m'chalel shabbat u must stop him or try at least so to here if a man is killing another u must stop him
this is pekuach nefesh and if u cant see that you are just as selfish as our abusers
may god redeam us speedily in our day! amen
god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference
Happy Girl,
You are my hero! For speaking up, for believing that there are people who care, and for believing you are worth it.
You said that we can all support you by spreading awareness. What else do you think the community could do to help YOU happy girl, heal and feel more accepted, understood and really happy? Is there someone you want us to talk to for you? Is there something we could tell you that will make you feel less ashamed? Do you want to hear more people admit they went through this? Do you want people to publicize your story even more? Is there any individual like a rosh yeshiva, rov or community leader that you would want to know? Do you think that the police are doing a good enough job, or do you think that people like you are scared to go to the police because they do not keep your i.d. confidential? How can we make you less afraid? So many want you to go tell the police, but will we all back you up? How can we? Are there enough therapists in Lakewood who understand sexual abuse? Do you think most rabbis and rebbetzins understand and can help? Would you like to see them better trained? Do you think that schools should have psychologists on staff to watch out for this? Do you think that all parents of kids in a school with a known molester should ask their kids straight out if they were touched inappropriately? This is your chance to teach US what we can do.
We all need to listen to this hero very carefully. If we can learn how to help special people like this, imagine how much that will help all of the rest of us?
"If you need chizuk get it from appropriate sources don't make a chilul Ha4hem all over the www. Ask any Odom Godol"
Who is doing hilul hashem?
The one who did it?
Or a girl who tries to raise awareness about the subject, so that other girls will not go on suffering over years, because they do not know who to turn to?
Who is doing hilul hashem?
This girl
or you, saying that our religion will shoot the messenger for the message delivered?
Think before you write, don't encourage hypocrisy.
Happy Girl
Chazak Chazak Venischazek!
You should only have brocho vhatzlocho.
And for all those molesters out there we are going to get you and abuse you. So watch out and go get help.
I want to thank all those that validated my feelings and experience.
While nothing would make us survivors feel happier, more secure and healed than locking up those who molested us and others, talking about "getting them" is an attempt at being supportive and encouraging but is not actually doing much to help.
For those of you out there who feel the need to DO something for us, inner, intangible work would actually be the best.
- Dont' judge us
- Allow it to be ok to talk about this - even in public forums
- Don't blame us - or our parents!
- Help create an environment where we don't have to keep HIS secret for fear of retribution or unfair judgement
Thanks,
Happygirl
i find it kind of sad that the bulk of comments on this post turned out to be pretty much one big yelling match.
...and in the nine days...no less...... :-(
all i'll say is that for those of you who who got the point of happygirl's letter, kol hakavod, and you're lucky, because knowledge about this kind of thing can save lives. to those who didn't...my heart goes out to you, and i hope that your eyes are opened soon..
happygirl, be proud. you're strong and you're on the right path. chizki v'amtzi!!
with love,
tee
happygirl, i wish i had the courage like you to come out and say it how it is, but i dont yet, so thanks for doin it for all of us...
and you know wat you are doing is right and we're right here behind you supporting you, so keep it up and keep strong!
-me
"That was in a yeshivah ketana on princeton there was more then one boy molested."
July 27, 2009 10:09 PM"
IT WAS NOT YESHIVA KETANA.
who cares where it was? IT HAPPENS. YES IT HAPPENS HERE IN LAKEWOOD IHR HATORAH. and we need to stop denying it. and SPREAD AWARENESSSSSSSSSSS and stop being so naive.
Why is this post still up ??????????????
why shouldn't it be?
you don't seem to like this post, anonymous.... how about utilizing a bit of self control....and DON'T READ IT!!!
I think being in denial 'suits' you... it looks pretty on you... sit with it... wear it well... and I pray that you never experience the pain and discomfort of anyone tearing it to shreds... of ripping your life apart... and of finding yourself face to face with the harsh reality....
people like you scare me....
Anon 8:10, wanna explain why this post should be removed?
Anon 9:54, if as you say Anon 8:10 is in denial, then he should definitely read this post.
It's not about self control.
Everyone should read this post and finally acknowledge that this has been happening in our community...
Hi happygirl,
As one who understands your pain and shares it from personal experience, I just want to reach out and remind you that so many of us do support you, very very much. I support you not just because I have experienced it too. You deserve only support from every normal human being. I look at people who are incapable of being supportive (and worse) and specifically destructive comments made on this site as the limitations of people who are incapable of more for various reasons. Please don't let them get to you.
There is no simple "answer" or "solution". This is not easy. It seems to affect almost every part of you. And working it through is tough. But I do feel like my experiences have helped me grow as a person. It will always be a part of me, but I will try to channel what I have learnt and gained, and suffered...in a positive direction. There is hope...so much hope. Please reach out and find it. And please let me know if you would like to be in touch.
I wish you well with all my heart. May G-d be with you and protect you, and give you the tools you need to move on.
FYI all you female survivors there is a website for females who are frum or grew up frum that survived sexual abuse. The name of the site is www.allussheffelech.proboards.com
As a survivor myself I found this website very helpful.
yes...
that site for frum survivors is awesome! i'm a member there too...
they even have a rabbi, rebbitzen, and therapist on board as part of the staff and moderators.
for any survivor of abuse... it's worth checking out.
You know, I'm a girl too and I was raped at age 14 by a man my parents trusted. So much so that when I tried to speak up they believed him over me.
It was only by a very thin thread that I stayed frum and sane, but that is not a story for here.
I do not blame my parents, I blame the society that made them believe that something like this could never happen in their own home with a man they knew that well.
Its eight years later and just a few months ago I shared my experience with a friend. I was shocked to learn then that out of the four of us that grew up together- ALL FOUR OF US WERE MOLESTED. And one of us was a guy. Two of us were raped and the other two were molested. One by a neighbor, one by an uncle and one by a teacher.
Please don't say it can't happen here. It can. It happened to me.
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